Ben and I have been together a bunch of years (11 so far) and we still manage to have the most ridiculous debates/conversations. I think our friends sometimes believe they are witnessing a true disagreement and feel uncomfortable when they hear us bantering back and forth about whether someone can be "more" racist than someone else (how can there be levels of racism? aren't you just racist, or not racist?). I find most of our topics are just funny. Take this morning for example.
B is filling my car with gas while I wait patiently inside. I see a deceased beaver near the gas station, fairly intact, seemingly fresh, the victim of vehicular manslaughter. It seems odd that a beaver would be wandering across four lanes of fairly busy roadway where lots of gridlock happens during the morning and evening commutes (well, as much gridlock as a Vermont city can get). I cannot marvel alone, so I say:
Me: Hey Babe, check it out. Is that a beaver?
Ben: I think it's a rockchuck.
Me: I'm pretty sure it's a beaver. It's got a black flat tail. What the hell is a rockchuck?
Ben: It's like a big groundhog.
Me: But don't beavers have big black tails?
Ben: Yeah.
Me: So that's a beaver.
Ben: I don't think so, Babe.
At this point, the pump is spent, the Kia is topped off and he's back in the car. I pull into the nearby parking lot to gain access to the streetlight so I don't have to put our lives in danger turning around. I'm also a bit creepy sometimes about roadkill. I wanna see this thing up close, and pulling a wide U-ey is gonna help me do that.
Me: Ok, fine, when we get up to the light you can see for yourself there's a big black tail. What is a beaver doing around here anyway?
Ben: Probably came up from the woods. It's been pretty wet and rainy lately. Maybe he was lost.
Me: Ok, here, we are passing by - take a look. See? Big black tail. Totally a beaver.
Ben: Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a beaver. Can I touch your boob?
Me: What?
Ben: I bet your boob is all warm and soft under that sweatshirt. Lemme just feel the bottom part. No wait, side boob. Side boob is awesome.
Me: Dude, your hands are cold! How about I just take my cold hand and say I want to touch the underside of your balls?!
Ben: That would be fine.
Me: It would be fine with my cold hands? Not so sure you would feel that way if they were actually there.
Ben: It's ok, you can just warm them up touching my balls more.
Me: What does this have to do with the beaver?
And then he smiles.
I guess he knows what a beaver looks like after all.
LOL!!!
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